A deplorable tabletop game devoid of joy, hope, or humor; which, regrettably, is also far more awesome than it has any right to be.
Latest Updates from Our Project:
Far Superior Orphan Carnage?!
over 7 years ago
– Fri, Sep 02, 2016 at 08:40:39 AM
We awoke to the following message from Mark, an enthusiastic supporter of our Friend Dan Letzring's excellent Gadeteers (featuring art from our own Jesse Labbe'!)
Finally... someone who listened and DIDN'T back OUR game!
Well, of course the notion of a superior game with a HIGHER level of dastardliness (which, not to put too fine a point on it, is NOT a word, but we plan on petitioning Webster. After all, if "Blamestorming" is in there, then darn it, dastardlness should be, too.) appealed to us greatly!
So we instantly went to check it out (you do the same...right now! Click HERE!)
You can carry orphans on your FLEXNESS?? TAKE. OUR. MONEY. NOW.
So... here's our official stance: We think you should withdraw your pledge for our game and go get THIS baby because holy cow look at this game, right?
First of all, this little, right on the box promise: "...including more miniature orphans than any other game on the market, guaranteed.
Oh... yeah. No WAY we can compete with that kinda offer. No way.
You build the orphanage... you can play either the hero ("Must...save... all orphans!!") OR you can play the bad guy ("Must...burn... all orphans!") and you are BOTH playing against fire! FIRE!! The bad guy in this game isn't some imaginary supernatural boogeyman... the villain is FIRE!
So, basically, you get to be Kirk Russel!
Designer Ryan Costello, Jr has honestly created something that seems really awesome. We honestly had not heard of this game prior to Mark bringing it to our attention (which, apparently, we ironically brought to his) but Ryan and artist Aurélie Martin clearly made a wicked splash in the "Orphans in Peril" Table Top market well before we entered with our humble little offering, and our hats go off to them.
Not only that but as we've pointed out, our game is really more about trying to keep tragic things from happening to our Orphans rather than doing tragic things to them (though at the cost of turning a blind eye to the plight of competing Orphans).
As you will see in our upcoming play throughs, our chaos happens as Options start running low and you and the other players are forced to juggle what little you have left while trying to strategize moves and cove placements and other chaos all while making your way to Kiddy Corner in hope of not finding the Boogeyman so you can hope against hope for a few more rounds of play. Dogs and cats. Living together. Mass hysteria.
like Orphans rahter than (or just like?) candy
So if you are really looking for a game that allows you to let the Orphans really face the flames, join us in getting a copy of Blind Ferret Entertainment's Orphans & Ashes (based on, we are to understand, a popular webcomic... someone find this and send us the link! Must check it out!)
Okay... we are getting back to wrapping up these pesky home-life-obligations so we can spend the rest of the week working on things for you, our backers!
Oh... and keep sending us stuff that's better than our game (that should be easy, really.)
-The Certifiable Trinity
JESSE'S (AND MR. PARKER'S) DREAM COME TRUE
over 7 years ago
– Fri, Sep 02, 2016 at 08:40:17 AM
The Certifiable Trinity are taking a little (very little) personal time this weekend to address some pesky personal responsibilities like "family" and "bathing" so that we can focus every bit of effort next week on improving our Kickstarter campaign and worshiping our Backers.
Thus, for today's update we are skipping a report on The Endangered Orphans. Rather, we want to share something with you we're very proud of.
Jesse Labbe'.
Jesse has been my (Opie's) best friend since literally as long as we can remember. In fact, we went to kindergarten together. And that was just last year.
But for really real, though, I've known him all my life. And we've worked with Rick for WELL over a decade. Bought him his first pair of pants together. (If you don't follow our Comments section, that may seem like an odd statement. If you do read them... then you know it is an odd statement.)
One of Jesse's most endearing qualities is his genuine love of other artists. So visceral is his respect and admiration of illustrators that it is impossible not to get enthralled along side him when he talks about their talent and their work. And most of the artists he is talking about, he has never even met.
Think of it like a cooking show where one master chef gets to hang out with another... only instead of creating food, they create visual awesomeness.
Check out the preview trailer below, and if you are so inclined, subscribe to our NEW YOUTUBE channel so you can catch the full episodes, coming very soon.
If you know someone who loves artists as much as Jesse, please share the show with them. Because the only thing Jesse loves more than meeting artists is introducing them to new fans.
Proud of you Jesse. Can't wait to help you make more episodes. Can't wait to bring more games to the world with you. - Opie & Rick (and your backers)
And if you can't get enough of Jesse's art in the Table Top world, please visit our good friend Dan Letzring's wickedly clever invention game "Gadgeteers" featuring Jesse's art on his live Kickstarter page right HERE!
Please back his game... you won't regret it. And we shouldn't regret backing games, should we?
Seriously, should we?
-The Certifiable Team
The MOST IMPORTANT UPDATED you will EVER read
over 7 years ago
– Fri, Sep 02, 2016 at 08:40:01 AM
Good morning. We awoke to see the following comments... ones that echo so many we have seen before:
we also get a lot of "you guys should spel check" comments
Oh no, no our dear friends.
There should be no shame.
Feel no remorse.
This morning you woke up only seeking to find solace in the confounds of a crowd funding world. Like some nearly 900 others before you, you each made a pledge likely on some kind of whim... perhaps, even on some kind of self-inflicted dare.
You see the words "Orphans" and "Endangered" and a series of events happen.
Amusement. Outrage. Remorse.
For some they come in that order. For others they are acceding. For a handful, those emotions are stacked one upon the other like a conflicting club sandwich of sentiment served with a dill passion spear and a side of french fried culpability.
so you don't have to open a new browsing tab
Perhaps that is because our first and understandable reaction is to view Endangered Orphans, like one online reviewer, as a game of self-preservation or even of malice towards our fellow Game Enthusiasts, presented metaphorically via Jesse's illustrated allegories of oppressed underdogs.
But those emotions would be misplaced. That assumption ill gotten.
In fact, Condyle Cove is not a battleground of gratuitous gain. The hills, alleys, creeks and towns of the Cove are not cesspools of self-interests*.
Quite the contrary, the cove is a harvesting field for compassion.
*you're probably thinking of Hot Topic
The fact of the matter is the options thrust upon each of you while playing Endangered Orphans will provide equal opportunity for backers to rise to the aid of these Orphans just as much as the occasion to shove them from a cliff or drive them to Kiddie Corner where the jowls of sorrow and madness wait agape in the face of the Boogeyman.
But see, that's just the thing. Though he takes multiple forms, the Boogeyman is just that... a single man. Not an army of atrocities, but a single servant of sorrow.
No match is he against the unity of our 900 plus backers.
voice in your head reference
No matter what our original motivation... no matter what joy or humor we may find in the dark and quirky presentation of this campaign, the Boogeyman can not cast the shadows of shame upon us when we stand united in the light of laughter and the neon glow of gaming brother and sisterhood. And together we are sending a clear message: We are, each and every one of us, anti-eating-Orphans. If eating Orphans is not wrong, then nothing is wrong.
Except Netflix's Fuller House. That @#$%'s never going to be right.
And though we are on the precipice of the dreaded Kickstarter Valley... though backing has slowed and funding has leveled out... well, backers... we haven't a thing to say. Played a great campaign...all of you. But we're going to tell you something now we've kept to ourselves for years -- None of you ever knew our original model for the Orphans. His name was Skippy.
We think Skippy was a boy. Eh, whatever makes you feel more empathetic.
We'll never forget the last thing he said to us one winter before he/she vanished from our lives.
"Certifiable sirs" it said "sometime, when the Kickstarter community is down -- and the stretch goals seem insurmountable - tell them to jump on twitter and facebook and whatever social media has been invented at the time and have them tell their friends with expendable income and a credit card to dig in deep and spend some for the Skipster."
So join us in feeling not shame... but pride in what we create here together! And should we surpass our goals, this Kickstarter campaign will no longer be be known as Certifiable's campaign... but as the campaign where the world wide web declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the comments section! We will not click away without a pledge! We’re going to contribute! We’re going to push on!
Hold your ground! Hold your ground! Sons of Secret Hitler, of Scythe, our family! We see in your eyes the same conflict that would take the heart of us. A day may come when the courage of Kickstarter fails, when we forsake these Orphans and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not these next 40 days!
Don't cry for us Crowdfunders... the truth is, the Orphans never left you!
Oh, yes, we can make it now... the pain is gone! All of the bad feelings have disappeared!!!
So do not simply read this post and move on in doubt...
Hold your head up high. Copy paste the link to this campaign. Send it on to any and all friends you may have... find a co-worker who left Facebook open on their computer and send it to their friends!
And the moment anyone says "I'm not sure Endangered Orphans for me... "
You look them right in the text message... and you reply to them:
"Endangered Orphans is for all of us."
Thank you, dear friends. And may Orphans bless us all!
-Opie, Rick & Jesse
(you may stop the Youtube video. Or don't. It's a free internet.)
THE DUTCH DEVIL (and some other updates)
over 7 years ago
– Fri, Sep 02, 2016 at 08:39:56 AM
The 666th follower of this campaign. That was the suggestion we were given for our first "Cove Ode":
Only the "Least we can do" levelers are up there right now. We apologize for calling you out publicly.
Couldn't be more excited about our first legit, professional quote about our game:
OMG! Rahdo acknowledged us!
Would the following backers please stand up...
over 7 years ago
– Wed, Aug 24, 2016 at 08:59:35 AM
We're all in this together now. Excellent.
Hello backers,
Wow. You guys. Seriously. Thank you for not letting us take all the blame for this. UPDATES:
Adding new tiers to allow additional game purchases to existing and new backers.
Hard at work on some possible ADD ONS and SGs that we hope you will be excited about. Or, that you will be utterly outraged about and storm off with your pledge dollars in hand. We tend to land only on one end or the other of that spectrum. So, we'll see.
Rick is going over our EU Friendly status to make sure we will be able to announce we're set there ASAP. More on that in its own update soon.
We appreciate all the feedback and banter in the comments. Even from you mean people. We like seeing Rick cry, so it's cool.
Our FAQ's are up with more coming. (keep the questions...ANY questions... coming.)
And finally, we're working on answering all the DM's we've gotten as well. Especially this one from a very helpful Nigerian prince who can not ONLY help us get more backers for Endangered Orphans but, for just a few thousand bucks, can get us a GREAT deal on Viagra, apparently. So... score!
